My Beloved Liver, My beloved heart & my Beloved Wounded Masculine
Story time. Potent experience I feel called to share. For anyone who knows or observes my expression, it’s no surprise that I have been experiencing for most of my life a theme of masculine dominance/wounded masculine architecture. I used to joke that I perceived my inner masculine and feminine wanted a divorce, because my feminine was so tired of repression & neglect, and my masculine was weary from overburdening & “overuse”.
NOTE: With love & gentleness, this post does not have anything to do with transgenderism. I have always loved and celebrated my feminine form and have never desired to change it. This has to do specifically with inner masculine & feminine architecture. Most of us experience imbalance or tend to be either masculine dominant or feminine dominant, or sometimes we switch roles back and forth depending on the situation.
TRUTH: One of my most favorite definitions of TRUTH is something I learned from Kevin Walton of Source Radiance.
He anchors in the following:
TRUTH is that which applies universally, to all things, all the time (all inclusive).
It remains constant in greatest form, never changing, without exception.
It is that which applies and exists beyond all narratives, judgments & contradictions.
It is that which is most in flow (Fluid & Steady) and equally expansive.
That which is true in us, is everything in us, that lives and thrives beyond limitation.
(Thank you, Kevin.)
The LAW of GENDER is a TRUTH template that fits all of the criteria indicated above, all Universal Laws are inherently true.
“All things exist within the Gender Principle of Creation, everything has its masculine and feminine principle, which produce metaphysical forces that play a role in creation and regeneration, nothing can manifest into being without this law. These forces arrange within the spiritual blueprints that translate into the gender principle that manifests itself upon all dimensional planes. There is not one aspect of life, consciousness and creation where the masculine and feminine principles remain non-existent or absent, it is an absolute truth that the Law of Gender is manifested within everything. It is impossible for creation to take place without this Universal Law in action at some level, even when the gender principles have been replicated, reversed, or manipulated through artificial technology. Whether organic or inorganic, the Law of Gender will always apply to what has been manifested. Gender principle is intrinsic to every form in existence including the human body, which is designed in a gender principle biology.” Lisa Renee of Energetic Synthesis.
(Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate the medicine deeply.)
It isn’t by accident that I chose to highlight one masculine expression of truth and one feminine expression of truth. Because this post will be about the merging of the two that I experienced firsthand within my own being, in my own direct experience.
Within each one of us, there is a masculine expression and a feminine. Each of those two expressions also contain a positive & negative polarity, meaning - every one of us has a positive masculine & a negative or shadow masculine - a positive feminine and a negative or shadow feminine. The two (or four depending on how you look at it) of these interplay and exchange, to harmonize or unify within their own polarities and then eventually unify with each other to birth a trinity. We are all walking love stories…
“As we bring energetic synthesis between the gender principles, we also synthesize the forces of polarity present into neutral or zero point, and this is the evolutionary journey of the ascension process that merges our physical self with our spiritual bodies and ultimately, God source. When we live in harmony with the Law of Gender, it catalyzes profound spiritual healing that neutralizes karmic burdens and miasmatic patterns, allowing us to be unified and live in increasing harmony with the forces in the external world. Esoterically, to truly comprehend the Universal Law of Gender is to perceive it far beyond the physical classifications and biological limitations, to know that the highest nature of the gender principle is achieving Unity consciousness. Unity consciousness is intrinsically integrated with the Cosmic Sovereign Law of God or the Law of One, and Unity consciousness is the first practice of the Law. This informs us that in order to be in harmony with the Law of One and experience Unity consciousness, we must seek to understand the principles of gender in our personal consciousness, and intend to unify all of its aspects and the archetypal forces that operate in our gender-based identity.” Lisa Renee of Energetic Synthesis.
Through the commitment to innerstanding Universal Law and aligning with the Law of One, I have been brought to some really fantastical pieces of self to witness, process & choose to transform. This post is for my beloved gender principles within whom I got to connect with in a brand new way in the last couple of months.
Through diligent application of tools and practice for the last few years, I was recently brought to an experience from “another life” to witness and begin the process of reconciliation. It came days after a personal ceremony in which I commanded to receive what was necessary to learn how to resolve or reconcile certain thoughtforms, behaviors, and narratives within my being and determine what they were connected to. I am aware of the imbalanced gender principles within and how it has been impacting my “outer” life. I endeavor to innerstand more and apply what is necessary to harmonize.
During my morning drop in a few days later (without the use of any plant medicine or drug), my awareness fixated on a deep pain & tension in the right side of my neck, my liver, my right lower ribs/back, hip, and all the way down my right leg into my foot. As the breath moved, it started to fill and vibrate these spaces which only intensified the stimuli of blockage and discomfort. Sitting, breathing, focusing, determined - I was brought to a memory. I am a male. I am strong, tall, dark-skinned, long hair, and I am shaking. I look up and witness what looks like my entire village & family lying dead and bloody on the ground. The instant level of heartbreak, sorrow, rage, and pain felt overwhelming to my heart (as I am re-experiencing this) - and I chose to decide that I could handle it. It was only a few seconds of witnessing this before I felt an intense pain, first at the back of my right hip - as I was kicked hard and knocked to the ground on my knees from someone behind me, the last thing I saw was a tree and my family on the ground before my neck was snapped, and I was no longer there.
Was not expecting this kind of experience to come through at this time - however, I did ask for guidance and this was where I was brought. After processing the tears and the pain and the sorrow and the love for my village and my family, I began to shift my focus to the rage and anger I felt towards those that had killed my family and myself. My liver was on fire (figuratively and sensationally) and doing “flips”. As difficult as it felt, I chose to ask if it was now in alignment to apply neutrality and then start to emanate the waves of forgiveness to ripple out in that time space and within my own body. I was flooded with many different thoughts and opinions on the matter - experiencing the orchestra of narrative and perspective. As it is my ultimate goal to unify and align with Truth, I chose to default to the offering of what is the most in alignment for ALL BEINGS in this scenario so that everyone will win. EVERYONE. There is no victim, no victimizer, no othering. No “I win, you lose”. No “I seek revenge, curse you. I punish you” “ I demand retribution” etc. etc. What can be applied to heal this entire phenomenon for all involved? Including the earth and the ground this took place on. That is what I chose. And I cried and cried until there was nothing left to cry. I cried for myself and my family, and I cried for those beings who hurt us, who were ultimately probably afraid and mind controlled. Maybe they were hungry, maybe they were just repeating aspects of what they had experienced prior, or maybe they just became so infiltrated with divide and conquer technologies that they were just doing what they were told or fighting against something they were conditioned to fear. I cried for all of us, and I prayed to God to heal the whole timeline. After that one, I had to go outside. It took a few days to settle from the experience.
And about a week later, there was more! Which is usually the case. One layer or element gets processed and it opens the door to something else interrelated.
This one was a deep and beautiful dreamtime experience. I look at myself and it is me, even though I don’t look how I look in this current life. I feel my own consciousness that I know to be flowing through this body. I have long beautiful red/auburn colored hair and stunning bright green eyes. I am adorned in beautiful clothing and jewels, and I am also more etheric and light than physical. I seem to float. I feel like a Goddess. I look around, it feels like I am in a middle realm of sorts - not earth and not quite “heaven”, a higher-dimensional template of reality that looks like a merging of earthly and cosmic architecture. I see a large castle/cathedral that I immediately enter upon looking. Within this cathedral are three male expressions, I get the impression they are related somehow or deeply connected in some way. They seem to be almost like brothers, but not quite. I can feel their desire for me in very different ways. The “youngest” brother is one that I don’t connect with very deeply - in fact, I barely remember now what he looked like or what he felt like. I expressed love and I moved on. The “middle” brother was a bit of a trouble-maker…we had some interesting dances and exchanges of energy that felt both somewhat aligned and also very chaotic and dissonant. I decided to disengage from further connection with that expression and lovingly resolve any energy conflict or potential karmic burden from the exchange, in both directions. The “oldest” brother was felt, but not within my sight. I knew he was close and I could feel an extremely strong pull towards his expression, to find him. I went floating around this massive cathedral to come to what I believed to be his “room”. As I opened the door, it was a large, clean, organized and simple stone room. There I saw the “eldest” expression. He was older and wiser in terms of his soul level and consciousness architecture. He felt old but he didn’t look old. He was sitting at a “desk” monitoring and stewarding a large holographic computer-esqe control panel with his mind. I could tell he was orchestrating and coding many different sequences. I began to innerstand that he was running programs to protect the code from being infiltrated by false or dead light/inverted code sequences, protecting the organic architecture in many layers of dimensional reality at once. He obviously noticed my presence and kept working. He was communicating with me telepathically, as an instantaneous knowing in my head. I did not hear his voice within me, just a deep immediate knowing shared back and forth. I immediately felt a passionate almost unexplainable sensation of deep love and reverence for this expression. Something I wasn’t aware I could feel to this magnitude. It wasn’t lust or desire, it was a sensation of pure ecstatic love in so many layers of my being. I had to feel him and connect to him.
I proceeded to express via my signature that I desired to connect deeper with him. I was met with a strange fear for a moment - for the first time in the whole experience, I had a sensation of concern about what “other expressions” would perceive about my union with this masculine being. I quickly chose to not engage with that fear and told him whole-heartedly that I “chose” him. Once that happened, he finally came into my view where I could see his form. He was in a holographic/half tech/half stone or maybe granite type of chair, appearing to be “disabled”. His head was tilted and his eyes were looking up and over, he appeared that he could not “walk” or “float” like I did. His appendages were atrophied and he “looked” weak, but he certainly did not feel weak. The level of love I felt for him was now almost overwhelming…it was deeper than anything I could ever possibly explain. I had to connect deeper with this expression. For I felt a feeling of safety and familiarity unlike any other.
As I moved my energy closer to his, we began to engage in intense, what I perceive to be, creative or sexual energy exchange. This did not include any kind of physical penetration whatsoever, it was purely energetic. I did not even feel the sensation of being “physically” touched, it was pure love and information being sent back and forth. It felt truly healing. He noticed that I was at a place where I reached a threshold for energy exchange and he paused for a moment to assess where I was and to make sure I was okay. I almost couldn’t bear how much love sensation I was expanding into - but my bodies were adapting and evolving quickly. He waited until other layers of me caught up. And then I remember asking him why his form was the way it was. He did not answer, except he placed one of my floaty light-filled etheric looking hands on his “liver” (more liquid-y) and one on his heart (a glowing plasma/energy vortex in the center of his chest). We began to exchange again, this time I was much more centered and focused. I did not feel depleted or like anything was being taken from me in any way. Just a deeper and deeper bond forming, more love exchanging. As this was happening, I noticed slowly his body start to change. He started to develop some “muscle”, his neck moved into a neutral posture, his body was “healing”. The last piece (and I still cry when I think about it) - was his eyes finally moved from staring up towards the top right and looked directly at mine. I really can’t describe how intensely my heart exploded with love at that moment. Within his eyes was every single expression of medicine I required, and within mine was every single expression of medicine he required. This was the purest form of love I had ever experienced, and I had no fear of anything. I was safe…and I knew it in every layer of my being. He was safe. He would protect me, and I would endlessly love and support him. This became so intense that I woke from the dream. Of course, crying….and taking some time to stabilize and process what I just experienced.
I sat with it for a few hours, engaging in my new day routine and taking care of my daughter. In the middle of the day, I finally got the chance to share it with Michael. (Thank you, Michael, for your endless patience in listening to my experiences and holding space for my processing.) This was a much more pleasant one than others I’ve had to face, process and invite him into.
Anyways, as soon as I began talking about it, I was shaking and activating. I kept going, and I realized so many pieces through recounting that I didn’t realize as it was happening. I thought that maybe I met a higher-dimensional being with whom I was experiencing a loving relationship with similar architecture? Another version of me, meeting another version of Michael? I wasn’t sure. And as soon as I asked the question, the answer was immediate. I realized that the masculine expression I met had a broken neck towards the right and a broken hip, he was atrophying in the physical because of how much attention and focus he was putting on maintaining balance of so many different processes in the “spiritual” or energetic layers, seemingly unsupported in a unique way that was creating damage….I was meeting an interpretation or image of my own inner masculine expression. I was meeting me. The love I was feeling was the love of me, in me, for me, with me….it was me! My feminine is in love with my masculine, and her love and devotion, despite his current state, intensified his process of healing. My masculine devotionally and endlessly loves and supplies safety and energetic activation for my feminine, and together they offer exactly what each require to unify and collapse fear, damage, pain, and misalignment. This was fucking insane!!! These are things I’ve intellectually grasped for years….and to experience it in such intensity and such realness was absolutely life changing.
I love my beloved principles, equally and deeply. I am so grateful for the invitation into this imagery and connection. The healing and opportunity through this has been monumental. My feminine finally felt celebrated and open/willing to receive love and blessings from the masculine, who is the epitome of safety, purity, and reliability. He felt steadfast and unwavering and fully provided what she required, and she felt orgasmic and so full of love and beautiful adoration that both of them began to thrive, falling deeper and deeper into themselves. Eternal partners & playmates.
Ever since this experience, I have noticed many changes within me. Multidimensionally. I have been making different choices, aligning in subtle and also not so subtle ways. I think about them (me) every day, in a new way. And I ask/choose how I may continue to show up for my beloved parts and make them proud of me (essentially, me proud of me). What choices will I make that will either support this union or destroy it…how long can I remember this as an inherent truth when up against an illusion? I decided to commit to supporting my liver multidimensionally, as well as my heart. Fitting time for this to align!! As the Spring is the season of the Liver/Gallbladder (in which the first initiation/memory recall took place) and the Summer is the season of the Heart. I have been eating, supplementing, and supporting these systems even more so after being invited into this information, as I fall into deeper alignment with the season in the ways I connect with nature and observe her wisdom through these reflections.
As you access what is misaligned within you, that is the time to direct your devotional focus to stewardship of those parts. Engaging as father, mother, and child in your own self (courage & commitment, empathy & compassion, curiosity & wonder) towards that system or network to fully absolve what is creating dis-ease, and what information or memory is required to be known and seen to complete the story.
Some of us require the opportunity to experience aspects of this “outside” of us, to remember what is possible, via other people who may way-show this or offer it to us. However, these mechanisms can be addressed and worked within “inside” of us, all of the time, no matter what our lives look like or who is in them.
I pray that all of us experience and remember this level of love, in all layers of being and beyond. And that we all receive what we require to remember wholeness and unity as a reality here and now. You have to ask for it. Clearly. This is the LAW OF RESPONSE. Ask and you shall receive. Be extremely specific and direct when asking for guidance, support, insight, and assistance. There are higher-dimensional beings (also part of you (I)/ also not you (I)) who are not of benevolence…you have the power to decide and command what you will commune with and who and what you will not. State firmly that you choose to commune and receive from that which is true and of 100% unified pure light or love, in alignment with God’s Law and the Law of One AND that you appreciate every opportunity to witness a misalignment, whether it be from within your own being or as something “outside” of you. We will learn how to discern when we experience “both” (alignment & misalignment), and remember our ability to choose.
When you ask from a state of pure intention to heal and neutralize polarity within you, and to align with TRUTH, to align with ORGANIC LOVE & CODE, to align with GOD, you will receive it. More often than not, you will be tested….consistent dedication and application is required to do this work. We must participate fully and to the best of our ability at any given moment. Do not be fooled by shadow forms and narratives. Notice them and either ask what it is connected to and how it can be transmuted or processed, or choose to default back to what you command your focus upon. Do not be ignorant to energetic and spiritual warfare and what exists in our universal collective mind and layers of existence. Not everything you see, hear, feel, and experience will be rooted in truth. You must command it as such, and to do that means you have awareness that interference, infiltration, lies, deception, and inorganic darkness exists…
This experience was a deep relief and experience of love and benevolence that my weary heart required. Many of my other experiences have not been as pleasant or restorative…
The other element to aligning with the LAW OF RESPONSE is choosing to engage with life embodying the GOLDEN RULE. Do unto others. Treat others the way you want to be treated…I also related to this as choosing to treat MYSELF the way I want to be treated. I set the standard. I show up with devotion and reverence for myself and for others, so that it will be reflected back at me via other towards self. This sounds easy in ways. But to really apply this rule means that when you feel afraid, hurt, scared, or angry, you choose to pause and respond in a way that you would truly want someone to respond back to you. This takes work and practice. We have so much programming and wounding to neutralize & harmonize on top of layers and layers of artificial fuckery and machinery to disengage & repair from. There are seemingly endless experiences of abuse, absolute travesties and atrocities we have done to ourselves for a very, very long time. It will not shift unless we do. War, killing, abuse, and suffering will continue unless we choose to engage and participate in the creation of the opposite. Start with one element within your being or body that requires love and care….one piece. Direct your focus and attention and care for it in a way that maybe you never have before. Our bodies are reflections of this earth, and the earth is a reflection of our bodies. Spoiler alert, she has not been treated very well for quite some time, as we have not been treating ourselves very well for quite some time. Every choice we make or don’t make impacts so many layers and configurations in limitless directions (LAW OF CAUSE & EFFECT). Choose love, whenever possible. And if it doesn’t seem feasible yet, choose neutrality. Offer love to your principles and care about what they require to achieve wholeness and balance within themselves. It will be worth it, I promise.
So much love to you.